This week, our resilience card is the Trapeze Swinger from the upcoming Pleasure Alchemy deck (out tomorrow!!!). Where might you take a leap of faith this week? Life often requires a leap of faith, a pressing beyond what feels comfortable or habitual. What secret, half-hidden leap might be urging you forward? This card asks (reminds?) you to take a chance. Be open to the unexpected and to trying something new. Know that every leap of faith is never truly without foundation. All the years you’ve been here you’ve been growing and you’ve also been learning to trust yourself. Trust yourself now. If it feels good, embark on some new venture (or some old one but with new energy!).
When I sat down this week to write this newsletter, I found myself remembering a conversation I had 7 or 8 years ago. I remember this conversation often, and yet, every time I do it feels like new wisdom, or like remembering my own faith. In a way, it feels like a reason to go on.
The conversation was with my dear friend Alexx—a magical wanderer who lived near me for a brief time. I say magical, because she appeared in my life somewhat like those itinerant, wise travelers in old folktales who sometimes mysteriously appear and then vanish in order to give the hero/ine new perspective.
Alexx had an African Grey parrot who was also called Alex (he came to her long after he was named, a strange coincidence). When with friends, we sometimes had to make clear which Alex(x) was being referenced. “Oh, this is my friend Alexx Human, and this is Alex Bird,” “Alexx Human is coming with us on the hike,” “Alex Bird doesn’t like his wings touched with hands, only with feet. We think he must have been smacked or grabbed too aggressively when he was young.”
My friendship with Alexx Human was the sort of intimate friendship that happens without thought or effort. Soft, trusting closeness that bloomed immediately. Tender confessions and revelations that led to lightness, not weight. Once, I leaned my head against her shoulder at a rave concert and cried while the reverberations of the music filled my chest. Looking back now, I cannot recall how we met, or where. I wonder if that’s important or, like with those old folktales, it doesn’t really matter where she came from, simply that she was there when she was there.
But, to go back to this conversation. I think it was my thirtieth birthday. Alexx and I had made plans to wander and visit crystal shops in Great Barrington, MA. I wanted some sort of new jewelry to mark a new decade. She wanted to help me make the day meaningful—a point of transition and burgeoning wideness.
That day, I remember I felt the weight of my life very deeply. I felt the immense responsibility of earthbound presence and the desire to have a purpose and find meaning in my life. I told Alexx this with great anxiety and frustration. [I think you’ve probably felt this way as well, haven’t you? How it sometimes can feel so very hard to live in uncertainty and not know whether your presence matters or what you’re moving toward.] Turning thirty felt like some great, heartless, looming wave, threatening to crash over me and make my life obsolete. What if I never made a difference? What if my life had no meaning? What if I never learned how to feel whole and worthy of love? What if I would never find answers?
Here’s what Alexx said, and yes, I’m paraphrasing for clarity and the sake of the story:
“Every day the world offers you invitations. Every single day. But the thing is—you may not even notice them. Open doorways, secret avenues, hidden windows—you’re always being invited toward something. But you simply might not see these invitations. And that’s okay, too. But if you do see them, that’s something special. And yet, it’s still not the end of the story. It’s never where the narrative cuts off. Because once you see an invitation you still have the power to say yes or say no. You still have the power to decide whether the invitation is truly for you or might be for someone else, or for you at some other time.”
So.
This week, I’m offering you Alexx Human’s wisdom:
An invitation to look for and really celebrate the invitations being given to you.
You don’t have to say yes.
You don’t have to take the leap if it doesn’t feel right for you.
But notice the invitations anyway. And hold yourself with love and tenderness while you do.
And if you do take the leap toward something new, trust yourself. Think of the Trapeze Swinger. Think of how every time a Trapeze Swinger lets go and flies through the air, they are not doing so in one isolated moment of reckless abandon. They are doing so because they trust their body, their history, their skill, and all the years they’ve been here on earth growing and learning.
Nothing ever happens in isolation. Even a leap of faith.
Some ideas to engage with the Trapeze Swinger this week:
Find a swing set to play on!
Walk across a bridge and pause at the central point to look down below you.
What in your life makes you feel proud and accomplished? Think back to a time when you were a novice and just beginning. Feel proud of yourself. Notice how you built up experience and expertise over time.
Try something new—small or large. This could be as simple as trying a new drink at your coffee shop or signing up for a class!
Jump into a pile of pillows on your bed.