This week, our card is Intimacy from Pleasure Alchemy. What might intimacy mean to us at this point in our lives? At this difficult and disconnected time in the world? And what history do we hold with the idea of intimacy itself? Intimacy invites us to explore and to gently unravel our complicated relationship with relationship.
Intimacy is one of those words that holds so many definitions and so much history. We each have our own relationship with intimacy. Every culture, every landscape, every family, every person, we all relate to intimacy differently. Isn’t it strange how something universal is yet so intimately interpreted by each one of us?
So what does intimacy mean to you? Because, really, do you even know?
I struggle with the idea of intimacy. I struggle with the experience of intimacy. Basically, what I’m trying to say is … intimacy is hard. But why? Perhaps because intimacy is such a beautiful concept but it can also feel so very, very abstract.
The word intimacy comes from the Latin word intimus which means “innermost, deepest.” I think this is such a beautiful connection and a necessary reminder. I know thinking about intimacy this way helps me when I struggle. I can ask myself, what can I say or do now that feels like it’s coming from a deep, innermost place? What in my life feels like it has depth right now? Where do I feel the most at peace? Who can I share my innermost self with?
This is my guide toward intimacy. This is my roadmap.
When I first pulled this card a certain phrase sprang instantly into my head:
Get intimate with intimacy.
I felt an immediate sense of Yes. Yes. Get intimate with intimacy. Befriend the need to feel deeply and closely. Delve past the surface. Don’t live in the quick, casual space where things can be easily taken up but also easily abandoned. Stay in the deep. Even if it feels uncomfortable.
So this week, settle into your need, your desire to feel deeply. If something feels big, feels heavy, feels meaningful, don’t push that experience aside. Take care of yourself, but also don’t back away. Don’t gloss over it. Sit with it. See where it leads.
We live in a really fast-paced world. Very rarely are we ever encouraged to take our time or to get deep. But this card reminds us that the only way to feel truly intimate and to be truly intimate is to be willing to go deep and take our time. Intimacy isn’t a race. Intimacy is a slow, delicious, achingly precious story of learning.
What would it mean to be intimate and close with yourself? You are your first companion, after all. You are your only lifelong companion. That’s an intimate relationship if ever there was one! So, can you be intimate with yourself? What could be a first, fresh step toward that?
Intimacy asks for trust. And every now and then we will need to check in with ourselves and with our current level of/capacity for self-trust. This week’s card is an invitation to remember how worthy of trust we are. Remember that everything we feel and do belongs to us. And so, before we try to get intimate with others, let’s first work to be intimate with ourselves and to go deep with ourselves.
For example, I’m intimately intimate with my need for control. But what I’m not intimate with is why. I’ve never allowed myself to dive deeply into what drives this need of mine.
And this leads me to my final thought:
That we get intimate with discomfort.
Yes. Yes. Get intimate with things that we struggle with, with our fears and anxieties. We may think we already are intimate with them. But are we truly? So often the fears and anxieties exist merely to shut us down, to force us back. But if we really got intimate with them, really let ourselves go deep with them, might we be able to understand them a little bit more and hopefully move through them?
I don’t think intimacy is always meant to feel comfortable. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t push past the discomfort to see what’s beyond it. I think intimacy is closely tied to Vulnerability, the card that opened our year. This makes sense to me as both Intimacy and Vulnerability belong to the 5th Stage of Pleasure in Pleasure Alchemy which is all about self-expression, honesty, and tenderness.
Remember that this week. This card has shown up because intimacy is needed, but intimacy is only ever possible when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and are willing to express ourselves and treat ourselves and others with honesty and with tenderness.
This week I will become intimate with:
New songs, stories, books, characters, and/or artworks.
Saying “I love you” to myself.
Saying “yes” and understanding deeply what that means.
Saying “no” and understanding deeply what that means.
Doing things slowly instead of rushing.
Speaking from my heart.
Asking myself “why?”
Wearing soft, comfortable, cozy clothes.
The feeling of the sun or the wind on my face.
Breathing deeply.